One-On-One's and the Need-To List

I've heard many a wise parent push the importance of spending alone time with each child. It's essential to give them that special attention and focus each kid craves. Now putting it into practice? That's another matter.

Maybe the challenge is greater when the kiddos are super young, and it's hard to explain why Mom or Dad wants that connection time with only one kid. Or maybe that's absolute hogwash and it's always going to be tough.

All I know is it's hard for me to find those moments, especially for my oldest. I can't just tell a 3-year-old and a 1-year-old to get lost. Apparently.

I can have my two oldest play in the backyard safely to get that one-on-one cuddle and play time with my baby. And I've found I can have little chats with my middle child while we go on walks with the baby, and my oldest is at home with Dad.

But just Mom and first-born time? I have to hope the middle child will need to nap, and it will fall miraculously within the time range my baby is sleeping.

Let's add this one-on-one time to my ever-growing pile of "I need to ___". It's like a to-do list, but somehow I've attached more pressure to it.

Moms. Give me a shout out if you have one of these need-to lists going. Here is mine:

• I need to read the bible more.

• I need to help my kids focus on God.

• I need to do [literally every chore possible].

• I need to spend some alone time with my husband.

• I need to spend some alone time with each child.

• I need to work with my kid on their academics.

• I need to do that work project.

• I need to connect with my friend.

• I need to make dinner.

• I need to go grocery shopping.

This list starts at the beginning of the day. It's like I wake up and instantly have 5 things on it. Then as I start doing simple tasks like brushing my teeth and I see the spots on the bathroom mirror -- it begins to grow.

It grows and it grows and it grows.

It grows until it's truly impossible for any person, let alone a parent responsible for other tiny persons, to accomplish in one day. And yet, the list somehow begs to be done in one day.

Impossible! Laughable! Truly crazy if we wrote it all out. Yet, our Mom Mind, says, "But these things NEED TO BE DONE!"

Oh, friends.

One of the hardest things is to look at the list from an honest perspective. It's more than changing expectations. It's seeing what you have already done and are accomplishing each day.

I'm super guilty of this, so I'm making a NEW list to help us List-challenged Mommas out!

The New List

• I am thinking of my relationship with the Lord. Praise His name for building my faith with these reminders.

• I am thinking of my children's relationship with the Lord. I will praise His name with them to strengthen this growing foundation.

• I am taking care of my family, including [if I tackled a chore today, here it goes!]

• I focused on my spouse today when we [got ready for the day together, spoke on the phone, etc.]

• I told my children I love them.

• I saw my kids grow today.

• I made progress at work.

• I thought of my friend, and took their name to the Lord.

• My family ate.

If I have just a moment of talking to my oldest about his favorite dino while the others are grabbing toys, I'm going to take that as a win for the one-on-one. If he and I talk while he helps me with the dishes, I'm also going to take that as a win for the one-on-one.

I will strive for some longer periods of conversation, but I'm not going to let the pressure of this and other things on The List rule my perception of the day any more.

My kids are healthy, well-fed, they have a roof over their heads, and the majority of the time they are happy bundles of energy. They know who God is, and that their parents love them.

This is already a cake-and-ice-cream blessing. And that's more than any completed list could give me.

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