Yes, You Can

Ever used your children as an excuse not to do something?

Don't lie! I'm pretty sure every parent has at one point. Sometimes it's truly a justifiable reason, but other times... Eh, not so much. We just don't want to do this or go there. We don't have it in us to get the herd in gear.

And that's perfectly ok!

Something I find myself guilty of though, is using the kids as an excuse because I'm scared I can't handle it on my own. And that's not cool.

I'm not a single parent, but I am alone with the kids A LOT. My husband and I work on completely different schedules to avoid external childcare. He works the night shift, and I work the day shift. Additionally, I only work the days he is not working. It's tough right now, but truly worth it for our kids (and finances - holla!).

This also means that when we are each with the kids, we are with them solo 90% of the time. If there is an event or an activity we want to do, there is a 90% chance only one parent is going to be wrangling those monsters.

I don't want my kids missing out on adventures because I'm afraid I can't monitor them all at one time. I'm not referring to scenarios that would be every mom's nightmare under normal circumstances. (See: crowded amusement park with any number of children.)

I'm talking about taking the kids to a place with safe expectations, like a church event or a nearby park. To be truly honest, sometimes the idea of tackling these solo can be overwhelming.

I hesitate and think of reasons not to go:

It's the baby's nap time. My 3yo has zero volume control right now and does poorly indoors. I can't seat my 6yo and 3yo together without guaranteed arguing. My 6yo has low heat tolerance.

Friends, this list could get longer if I wanted it to. But I don't want to be that parent who never leaves the house. I want to encourage my kiddos to get outdoors and experience new things, even if it pushes them out of their comfort zone a little. Even if it pushes me out of my comfort zone a little.

Today we did such thing. We went to a park.

This may sound simple, even silly to some, but it's a big deal to me. We've been to the park hundreds of times in our neighborhood. And we have been to the park countless times when the baby could be harnessed against my chest. And we have been to the park when my husband and I were both present.

But! In the three months since COVID shut down our playgrounds, my youngest has decided he doesn't want to just sit in a stroller. He wants to walk with the big boys. Climb with the big boys. Wreck havoc with the big boys.

And now that the parks and playgrounds are opening back up, I have been dreading trying to watch a 1.5yo, a 3yo, and a 6yo run all over a playground -- alone. How can I possibly keep track?

Let's just interject for a moment to marvel at the wonder that is motherhood.

Have you ever noticed how moms with four or more children seem so relaxed? What is this magic? I have not hit this number. I'm at three. Having kid #3 is when you first become outnumbered, and are learning how to juggle this new dynamic. Even when you are alone, you only have two hands (usually).

Four is when you hit some magical groove and the kids lose the ability to best your calm.

Me: Is that your kid running through the store without pants?

Mom of 4: Oh, yes. Add that to the embarrassing stories to tell his prom date. (HA!) Kids are kids, what are you going to do?

I'd like to know this calming secret without having to actually give birth to a fourth child. *Calling all parents of four or more kids: us other folks would like you to share your wisdom, please!

Ok, back to the park thing.

I sprayed and smeared my kids down with two kinds of sunscreen, packed a bag full of waters and diapers, and headed to a local park with trails and a small playground.

I was nervous, and to calm those nerves I planned. Oh yes, I'm pretty much the most fun ever in real life.

I looked at the trails online and decided we would do the smaller 1 mile paved trail before visiting the playground in hopes my kids would tire out faster. It worked! I truly believe I have the good Oklahoma heat to attribute to this. Once we made it to the playground, my kids had a couple slides in them and they were done.

One of the better take-away's from this is that I can do it. I can do trails with my kids. I can enjoy parks with them. Now is it the same as it was with one or two children? No. But the responsibility has not changed, and I haven't changed. I can still do this.

And so can you. Yep, not to sound too much like a 1990's motivational track tape, but seriously! You can go places with your kids. And if you ever feel overwhelmed or like you won't be able to watch your kids safely -- listen to those instincts. It's still ok to say no to an activity, or to call a friend and see if they want to join you.

This extends to indoor events as well. Like returning to church! We also tried that adventure last Sunday. We had our first in-person church visit since COVID. This was another outing I was concerned about since the boys would be in "big church" with me instead of their Sunday school class. But we didn't just get through it; I'd go so far as to classify it as a success.

Yes, my boys were loud at times. Yes, my baby may have thrown a coloring book at the chair in front of us (which thankfully no one was seated in due to social distancing). But for a large portion of the service they sat quietly, focused either on the pastor or their activity bag I had packed. Afterward, my oldest even mentioned he wants to return. #Winning!

Also, I can't avoid the stores until my kids are in their teens. That's just not feasible. Sure it may be unpleasant sometimes - that's fact. But it must get done, and eventually everyone will get into a rhythm.

Next time I start to think of my kids as an excuse to avoid trying something new, I'm going to ask myself who is this excuse for -- them or me? If it's just because of me,

and I can work through it, I want to challenge myself to do so. Stepping back in to the motivational tape persona: I challenge you to do the same! YOU CAN DO IT - YES, YOU CAN!

#familytime #singleparent #momlife #blog #blogpost #playground #church #faith #multiplechildren