Recharging: Please Send Batteries

Oh, friends. It's been a rough last few days littered with momma fails.

I've been yelling, impatient, feeling unmotivated, on my phone way too much... I'm also on a roll for making my oldest cry unnecessarily.

My six-year-old has such a tender heart. I know this. Everyone knows this. And yet this week I've just blurted things out without taking into consideration his perspective. Ugh -- fail.

My two oldest currently share a room with a bunk bed setup. Every now and then there is some competition over who will sleep on the top, but for the most part they are good about taking turns.

A few nights ago, they were arguing over the bed situation and I mentioned that once Wyatt (the baby) is old enough, it won't be a problem any more. Amos and Wyatt will share a room, and Levi will have one all to himself since he is the oldest.

Cue the confusion. Cue the tears.

Levi: "But who will sleep with me? I don't want to be all by myself! I love my brother! I want to stay with Wyatt. I can share with Wyatt!"

This is right in line with Levi's personality. I should have predicted this and waited to introduce the topic when it was, oh I don't know, even relevant. But no - I go blabbing and say it very cavalier. Poor kid.

The only pro of this is there have been zero fusses about who gets which bunk. Levi is making it very clear he can share nicely without trouble.

Side note: Amos could care less about the sleeping arrangements. I could have told him he was going to sleep in a box from now on to make room for the cat, and he would have been fine with it as long as I could turn that box into a cool night fort.

The next day we were heading out the front door for a walk, when Levi noticed a strange collection of upside-down June bugs. Hmm, what's with all the bugs right here?

Yet again, I dive in sprouting immediate facts without thinking how this might affect my little one's heart.

"The bug man sprayed around our home, so now any bugs that get close to our door will die."

Levi's face turns to immediate shock, "What?! NNNOOOO!!!!"

He screams so loud I'm sure the neighbors thought I was beating this child.

Levi: "I don't want them to die! My FRIENDS! MY FRIENDS!" Tears. SO many tears.

As I'm trying to back-pedal out of the harshness I've just delivered, and change the conversation to something more comforting, he realizes one is still moving. Suddenly delighted, he decides to help the little bug back on its legs so it can escape my trap.

This is when Amos takes notice.

Amos: "It's not dead. It's not dead? It's NOT DEAD! AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!"

More traumatic screams from our front porch, this time from child #2. Oh, Lord of Hosts grant me the words.

Meanwhile, Wyatt in the stroller:

We did manage to get everyone on the same page of understanding, but let's just say I've had a few losses this week. I snapped more than a few times, and I got called out for being on my phone by a 3-year-old. That's shamesville right there. When your toddler says, "Mom, I said no more phone. It's time for FAMILY."

I can't even say I was looking up scripture or anything like that. I was checking my email. Deleting ads for products I don't need. Lame.

After all these little fails, I knew I need to reset. To RECHARGE. The pressure has been getting to me. I know I'm not alone in this - life can be difficult. This whole COVID-19 thing didn't exactly make it easier.

Beyond the sickness, people have lost jobs, friends have been separated, families have gone without hugs, and we all have had to adapt to new roles (modified employment, unemployment, teacher, stay-at-home parent, remote everything, paranoid conspiracy theorist, etc).

For me -- and maybe you can relate to this scenario personally -- my alone time has diminished to nothing. No one is saying you can't recharge as a family, but oh my is it more difficult when you are still answering 100 kid questions and making sure the baby doesn't put an outlet cover in his mouth.

Recharging for me once involved the following activities: the commute to work, actual work, going to church, 30 minutes of dedicated exercise time, a good shower, and prayer time.

My day still involves these things, simply modified:

• Work changed to remote status = no driving solo

• Church currently remote streaming = online service with whole family

• Baby nap time = best time for Levi's distance learning, so no solo exercising time

• 30 minute workouts changed to family walks around neighborhood

• Solo prayer time and shower time done at night after kids' bed

I get there are activities you can "assign" to kids to get your moment. I'm not ignoring these:

• Play in your room.

• Play in the backyard.

• Color or craft.

• Watch a show.

• Build something.

My kids are just at the age where they are not all engaged by such tasks at the same time or for an extended period (beyond 5 min). There is always one, usually two, that will need some type of attention from me.

Typing it out makes it seem like it should cause less stress. Like the change was too insignificant to cause any tension.

But that isn't the case. An outline is only just that - the overview, not the details. So, if your list of changes feels smaller, like mine, but you still find yourself needing to recharge, absolutely do!

It's 100% normal to get overwhelmed under average circumstances. (I personally need this pep talk right now, so just hang tight with me.) Parenting fails are going to happen. Thus, all the memes. It's impossible to be the perfect parent, so if you snap when you shouldn't or make your kid cry unnecessarily... Take a breath, say a prayer for guidance, and regroup.

It's normal to feel like it's too much, or we aren't doing enough. I know I'm not enough. But God is. He is always big enough, always strong enough, and always there. Thank you Jesus for being my batteries, my charger, my strength.

#recharge #parenting #momlife #faith #blog #blogpost #parentingfails