The Biggest Challenge in Parenting

A friend of mine recently asked what I believe the toughest part about parenting is. This is a common question of parents-to-be and those considering starting a family. I asked the same question when I learned I was pregnant.

Friends told me it is all the diapers and lack of sleep. Family told me it is the tough choices that will come. I remember one friend told me the hardest part is finding a healthy balance between your spouse and kid time.

So far I agree with all these sentiments. All these things can be difficult at times. But consistently the most challenging part of being a parent for me is being present.

Not just physically there with my kids, but truly, sincerely present. I'm talking about being actively engaged with their interests, questions, needs, and concerns.

Let me be clear: I'm in no way stating -- or even hinting -- that I do not like spending time with my children. I love them dearly and enjoy watching them grow. I appreciate every moment with them, and understand how blessed I am to be their mother.

This in no way changes the fact that I'm human. And that I'm an adult. I am at a completely different maturity level than they are (thank goodness). What excites them, does not always register on my "wow" radar. Likewise, if I was upset by most of the things that disappoint them, I'd be considered crazy at best.

Just try this little experiment on your own. See how long you can pretend to be a dinosaur while doing your normal activities.

I'm guessing not long.

Here's the deal, I can't tell my kids, "Look, I'm an adult, and I'm not interested in any of this. You are a delight, but being Batman's farting bag is not so funny from this end."

Ok, so maybe I can tell them the last part.

The point is, I want to show them love, and this includes being excited about what they love. I want them to continue talking to me about their interests, but that won't happen if I'm not paying attention. If instead I'm always on my phone, or seeming bored by every request to play Robot-Dinosaur-Batman-Baby-Smash (there is a lot less happening than the name lets on), then they could really be hurt.

Sometimes being present is effortless. Other times, it's tough. And sometimes, it's really tough. I just want to have a selfish moment. I sigh in exhaustion or roll my eyes. I have to stop and remind myself that this child has a different perspective that needs to be respected.

I'm confident the interests will get easier with age, but from what I see, the upsets do not. When your toddler throws a tantrum over not being able to eat their cereal with a sword, it's almost humorous. Being present here involves not laughing at your child's concerns.

However, when your kid gets older and they throw a dramatic huff over something that feels contrite next to the "adult probs" of paying bills and such -- it's definitely going to be difficult to be present in a sincere manner. Kids are smart. They are observant. They don't appreciate their troubles being tossed aside as nothing or small.

Let's be honest, no one likes this.

If staying present is so tough, what do you do? Tough problems have solutions, too. It already helps by acknowledging that it's a challenge. Being aware of the issue makes me more conscious of how I'm responding to my kids' needs.

I also work to hold myself accountable when I'm slipping. I rely on God and my husband to help with this. The more regularly I read the bible, I feel it's easier for me to focus on loving others as God commands me to. Additionally, My husband and I work together -- tagging in when the other is tired, encouraging with affection, and communicating when we want to change something in our parenting styles.

Whatever challenge is pressing on you today the most, the best weapon is perspective. Few things in life compare to the joys of parenthood. The rewards of loving and being loved by your child outweigh the rough spots.

So worth it!

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